Coming Home

I often think about what it was like for our children to come home. I still remember our original Family Day almost five years ago. It was a difficult day for all of us. The children had already been to our house many times, and in fact had moved all their "stuff" in. However, that placement day was still painful.

I remember my youngest daughter (two at the time) and how she sat in stunned silence in the back of the van as we drove away from the only home she could remember. I can still hear the screams of my then three-year old son as he demanded "Go back! Take me back!" The echoes of his screams are still punctuated in my memory by the heart-wrenching sobs of my then eleven-year old.

I was prepared for many things as we adopted, but I was not prepared for that day. In my excitement to be a parent, I lost sight of the fact that my children would be hurt as we moved them from that home to ours.

It would be months before my son would stop saying, "Okay, I've visited long enough. Take me back now." Whenever I see pictures of that last day/first day, I still feel my heart contract for my kids and their pain.

Letter to grandparents

welcome to my brain . net: A letter to grandparents of children with RAD

This is amazing - I have sent it to all the grandparents involved in my children's lives, adoptive or biological.

Ring give-away

My husband's wedding ring went missing shortly after our children came home - a side-effect of RAD, we think. We grieved that loss/theft for quite some time. Here is a family willing to raffle off the mom's wedding ring to help bring their children home. I had to post a link. Please help spread the word.

Connections

This is a copy of a post I wrote for my private blog, but I thought it might be a good one to share here as well.

This line totally grabbed me tonight...

Children from trauma want their parents to think they are alone because it's easier to control and pull someone into their drama if they are alone. Credit here

I think this is why our summer and winter camping trips, our support group, our smaller "girls' night out" and hopefully the retreat help to fight against. We gather, in numbers small and large, to support, to heal, to simply 'be' and that makes all the difference.

Especially when we bring our children and parents together, the magic seems to happen. I'm under no illusions that simply being together will make all the hurt and crap go away. But, we've all seen and felt the magic that occurs when our kids can get together, play, talk, and even go to the deep stuff about their lives - cause others get it. And, we as parents, we can have each others' back when the crap seems much too deep to even fathom getting out of.

I'm so thankful for this network that has evolved over the past few years. I knew, years back when I reached out to start/find a group, that I desperately needed to be connected. I could never have dreamt the importance it has taken. I am blessed - thank you all.

Writing about Orlando

I am so inspired about all the blogs I've been reading about the Orlando retreat that just happened this past weekend. Women who parent those kids from the hard places, who deal with trauma, sorrow, guilt, and shame on a daily basis, who choose to do this work - these women found some time for themselves.

I wasn't there - although I wanted to be - but I imagine it was a community of women who laughed, cried, hugged, laughed some more, and then went home to face their challenges with some new tools and maybe even a bit of peace.

I can't wait for our own retreat; much smaller, but hopefully just as beneficial for those of us who are attending.

Every day, you get up and face another day, knowing there may be phone calls from the school, the Ministry, the police. You put on your grown-up face and help your child with that inexplicable anger when inside you want to do anything but. You hug, hold, and heal. You are simply amazing, and you are a gift to the child/children that you help to come back from the trauma.

Their pain wasn't your doing, but their healing likely is. You are one kick-butt mama and I tip my hat to you.

One full house - and maybe one more?

We have one full house of moms looking to get away for a few days! I'm now building a waiting list, so if you are interested, please email me at tmkisil at gmail.com or leave a comment on the blog.

I have my eye on another house just down the way from our "Snowdrift Inn." See it at the side? Imagine that pretty house without all the white stuff (which, truth be told, I'm about done with).

To make this work, I would need six more people at $120 each (which would include accommodation and food). The sleeping arrangements would be:

1 bedroom with two sets of bunk beds (this could hold 2-4 people - bring your friends!)
1 bedroom with a single bed and a bunk bed (again, this could hold 2 or 3 people)
2 bedrooms with a queen bed in each

If you are interested in joining us, but you weren't able to commit before now, here is a second chance for you. Please don't put any money down yet. Just contact me via email and I'll add you to the list.

Deadline - April 7, 2011 (that's one month from today)

Cheers,
Teresa

PS. My thoughts are with all the women who are gathering together in Orlando this weekend - have a great time!! You all deserve it!