Giving voice to the yuckies

So, a BIG part of why I organized this "Moms Away" retreat was that I really, really wanted to go to Orlando to join with all the other moms. I flip-flopped back and forth, and finally decided that I just could not justify the expense. However, I just read Corey's post about fears and I cried. At first I thought - what are you doing in my head? Then, I realized that there are so many of us who deal with unimaginable things every day. And, we get up the next day and do it all again. It's amazing really.

To add to Corey's impressive list, here are a few of those yucky thoughts of my own:
* How did I ever think I could handle all of this?
* I can't be honest with the people I love about my kids, because I don't want anyone else judging them or me.
* This hurts so much.
* If it hurts me this much, I can't even imagine what it is like for my children.
* I love them so much; shouldn't I be able to make it all better?
* Will my marriage survive raising our children?
* What was I thinking?
* I am so mad at . Why isn't he/she/they here helping this child survive this?
* I am not the parent I thought I would be. Some days, I am so much less; some days, so much more.
* One day at a time - some days, one breath at a time.
* It is what it is.

These are all just my thoughts - and even here, I am self-editing as I don't want to be judged. One hundred nineteen days until Moms Away where no self-editing will be necessary. Just honesty, rejuvenation, and connection.

I can't wait!