How did that happen? All of a sudden, we're less than 100 days away to our second Moms Away retreat. I am starting to panic a wee bit, as the second house is not filled yet. I haven't started making meal plans or anything. However, I'm taking a deep breath and just letting it go.
One of the successes of the weekend last year was the fact that there was no formal agenda. The women arrived when they did, shopped, talked, napped, laughed, cried, etc. when it was right for them. Not when it was right for me. Sometimes, I have to get out of my own way and just believe it will work out how it is supposed to.
Having said that, I do like to cook and care for large groups of people, so I hope we get a few more registrations in the next 70 days or so.
Between now and then, I just have to remember to breath in and out and to let things unfold as they should.
Ninety-five days and counting
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Mama2Mama
I've been thinking a lot lately about the support that women provide for each other in so many different ways. It is so easy to believe that you are the only person going through this bewildering, sometimes agonizing, role of being a parent through adoption. (I prefer not to say adoptive parent as it is the parenting that defines me, not the adopting. Adoption was a moment; parenting is a lifetime.)
Anyway, back to what I was saying. It is easy to feel alone, afraid, overwhelmed, even embarrassed. I've been there. I've always considered myself a fairly intelligent, successful person. There weren't too many things that I felt could throw me off-balance. Infertility was certainly one of them, and it seems like parenting is another! In both of these journeys, I felt like I had no control over the process or the outcome. And, as an educator, I am rather attached to outcomes. I like good grades, a good paycheque, praise from those around me; you get the picture.
Well - almost six years into my parenting journey, I still have days when I feel like a rookie. Days when I would prefer not to tackle the issue at hand. Days when I don't want to be all therapeutic and focused on my child's healing. There are days when I'd just like to say, "deal with it" and walk out of the room. (There may even be days when those exact words are spoken - just saying, there might be those days every now and again.)
I have found a depth of understanding and reassurance in the women who I've met along the way. Friends I knew BA (before adoption) are still around, but those relationships have taken a beating. I don't want to make my kids look bad by telling the truth; yet, I need to tell the truth to someone. I need to say the words, "This is really flipping hard. I don't like this at all."
And, yet, I need to respect my children and their stories. I hesitate to write even this much, for I don't want my children to ever, ever feel that I regret the decision to join my life with theirs. I know that they would, if asked, say "This is really flipping hard. I don't like this at all" as well.
For me, those rare moments when I can come face-to-face with my own limitations in a nurturing, reciprocating environment are the moments that keep me going through the tough stuff.
I hope that, if you're reading this, you too have a network of support. (As always, I invite you to join our retreat in May, but this post is not really just for that.)
See you in May!
Teresa
Anyway, back to what I was saying. It is easy to feel alone, afraid, overwhelmed, even embarrassed. I've been there. I've always considered myself a fairly intelligent, successful person. There weren't too many things that I felt could throw me off-balance. Infertility was certainly one of them, and it seems like parenting is another! In both of these journeys, I felt like I had no control over the process or the outcome. And, as an educator, I am rather attached to outcomes. I like good grades, a good paycheque, praise from those around me; you get the picture.
Well - almost six years into my parenting journey, I still have days when I feel like a rookie. Days when I would prefer not to tackle the issue at hand. Days when I don't want to be all therapeutic and focused on my child's healing. There are days when I'd just like to say, "deal with it" and walk out of the room. (There may even be days when those exact words are spoken - just saying, there might be those days every now and again.)
I have found a depth of understanding and reassurance in the women who I've met along the way. Friends I knew BA (before adoption) are still around, but those relationships have taken a beating. I don't want to make my kids look bad by telling the truth; yet, I need to tell the truth to someone. I need to say the words, "This is really flipping hard. I don't like this at all."
And, yet, I need to respect my children and their stories. I hesitate to write even this much, for I don't want my children to ever, ever feel that I regret the decision to join my life with theirs. I know that they would, if asked, say "This is really flipping hard. I don't like this at all" as well.
For me, those rare moments when I can come face-to-face with my own limitations in a nurturing, reciprocating environment are the moments that keep me going through the tough stuff.
I hope that, if you're reading this, you too have a network of support. (As always, I invite you to join our retreat in May, but this post is not really just for that.)
See you in May!
Teresa
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Giving and taking
In this season of giving and sharing of ourselves, it's important that we also remember to take care of ourselves. I've talked to many moms who say things such as, "I'd like to come to the retreat, but it will be just too difficult for my child if I leave." I get that. I used to say very similar things.
I was shopping this week for stocking stuffers, and I was tempted to buy a few for the Mama-stocking. However, I had to stop myself, trusting that the Santa in my life will remember to take care of that. It was a good moment to stop and think about allowing others to give as well.
So often, we as moms through adoption are called upon to give and give and give some more without any expectation of return. Children who have been through painful separations and trauma often can give to strangers, looking for 'the next parent' just in case these ones don't work out. They may, however, find it difficult to give that same attention, cuddle, or smile to you. There are lots of good resources about attachment out there.
Every year around this time, we see echoes of past hurts in the behaviours, body movements, facial expressions, and words of our children. A wise friend told me this week that, for children of traumatic backgrounds, "Christmas was often the last hope to hold the family together." I believe that.
However, I'm learning to build constant bridges over the inevitable daily separations that my children must experience. My goal is that they do not have another separation that is "just too much to bear" (in the words of Dr. Gordon Neufeld.) When I kiss my kids good-night, I mention that I'm going to check on them in a few minutes, that I'm going to see them in the morning, or that I'm going to see them in my dreams. When I drop my teen off at work, I tell her what time I'll be there to pick her up. Little bridges so that they can start to feel that rubber band between us; the one that brings up back together when we've separated. Whether it's for a minute, a day, a weekend, or longer - we'll be together again as we should be.
I still miss my children when I'm away, and I hope as well that they are missing me on some level. However, these separations are not the traumatic separations of their past.
We still often have "fall-out" when we're back together, but that's okay. It's safe for my child(ren) to let me know that they didn't like being apart. And, hopefully, I've come back renewed, revitalized, and ready to give them everything they need.
That's my job - to preserve the attachment. It doesn't mean we have to be physically attached at all times, because we can build the connection between us through moments, days, and weeks of "see you in a few minutes; see you in the morning; see you after school."
What's the point of this ramble? Just to say that I understand that it can be really difficult to leave your children. If you are able to, however, there is a group of other moms who just might 'get it.'
Happy holidays and blessing for 2012.
Teresa
I was shopping this week for stocking stuffers, and I was tempted to buy a few for the Mama-stocking. However, I had to stop myself, trusting that the Santa in my life will remember to take care of that. It was a good moment to stop and think about allowing others to give as well.
So often, we as moms through adoption are called upon to give and give and give some more without any expectation of return. Children who have been through painful separations and trauma often can give to strangers, looking for 'the next parent' just in case these ones don't work out. They may, however, find it difficult to give that same attention, cuddle, or smile to you. There are lots of good resources about attachment out there.
Every year around this time, we see echoes of past hurts in the behaviours, body movements, facial expressions, and words of our children. A wise friend told me this week that, for children of traumatic backgrounds, "Christmas was often the last hope to hold the family together." I believe that.
However, I'm learning to build constant bridges over the inevitable daily separations that my children must experience. My goal is that they do not have another separation that is "just too much to bear" (in the words of Dr. Gordon Neufeld.) When I kiss my kids good-night, I mention that I'm going to check on them in a few minutes, that I'm going to see them in the morning, or that I'm going to see them in my dreams. When I drop my teen off at work, I tell her what time I'll be there to pick her up. Little bridges so that they can start to feel that rubber band between us; the one that brings up back together when we've separated. Whether it's for a minute, a day, a weekend, or longer - we'll be together again as we should be.
I still miss my children when I'm away, and I hope as well that they are missing me on some level. However, these separations are not the traumatic separations of their past.
We still often have "fall-out" when we're back together, but that's okay. It's safe for my child(ren) to let me know that they didn't like being apart. And, hopefully, I've come back renewed, revitalized, and ready to give them everything they need.
That's my job - to preserve the attachment. It doesn't mean we have to be physically attached at all times, because we can build the connection between us through moments, days, and weeks of "see you in a few minutes; see you in the morning; see you after school."
What's the point of this ramble? Just to say that I understand that it can be really difficult to leave your children. If you are able to, however, there is a group of other moms who just might 'get it.'
Happy holidays and blessing for 2012.
Teresa
Thursday, November 17, 2011
So, who is coming for dinner?
Here is the list of those who are registered so far - come and join us!
(Updated December 21, 2011)
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER
(Updated December 21, 2011)
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER
- Amanda
- Angeline
- Arnica
- Chelsea
- Cherylee
- Debbie
- Dianna
- Jen
- Joyanne
- Justine
- Michelle
- Sandy
- Shelley
- Tara
- Teresa
- YOUR NAME HERE
Monday, November 7, 2011
House update
A few weeks ago, I went for a long walk around the Silver Star Village (the hubbie and I had a "Parents Away" weekend!) After seeing that it was a fair walk between the original two houses I had booked, I've switched the second house to this gorgeous looking house. It's in the same cul-de-sac as the first house.
I can't keep saying "first house" and "second house" so I'm going to create some names to keep things straight.
House #1 - Halcyon (house-mama - Teresa)
House #2 - Tranquility (house-mama Chelsea)
It looks as if all the solo rooms are taken, but there are LOTS of shared rooms available. These are reasonable (i.e. CHEAP)! Get a group of friends together or come on your own and meet some women who really "get it."
Halcyon:
* five beds still available ($100 for bed; $50 for food= $150 for a FANTASTIC weekend)
* six beds still available (prices for bed in brackets; $50 per person for food regardless of bed)
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER
I can't keep saying "first house" and "second house" so I'm going to create some names to keep things straight.
House #1 - Halcyon (house-mama - Teresa)
House #2 - Tranquility (house-mama Chelsea)
It looks as if all the solo rooms are taken, but there are LOTS of shared rooms available. These are reasonable (i.e. CHEAP)! Get a group of friends together or come on your own and meet some women who really "get it."
Halcyon:
* five beds still available ($100 for bed; $50 for food= $150 for a FANTASTIC weekend)
- two beds available in a room for four people (two single/single bunks)
- three beds available in a room with two single beds and one single/single bunks
* six beds still available (prices for bed in brackets; $50 per person for food regardless of bed)
- one room with two queen ($130) /single bunks ($100)
- one room with a double (TAKEN) /single bunk ($100)
- one room with a king-sized bed ($200)
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Registration now open!!
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER
We're just asking for a $50 deposit only at this time. We have two houses booked for the weekend, but we are going to fill the larger one first. Food is $50 per person, regardless of the room you book. There will also be an administrative fee for using EventBrite.
Here are the total costs for the first house:
* master bedroom with ensuite & sitting room - $220 per room (SOLD OUT)
* master bedroom with ensuite - $180 per room (SOLD OUT)
* regular bedroom (no ensuite, one queen bed) $160 per room (SOLD OUT in the first house; three in the second)
* queen futon, single bed, bunk etc. - $100 per bed - 10 in the first house; 6 in the second). These are still great! I will honour as many roomie requests as possible. Once you've put done your deposit, email me and we'll talk.
This is our first house and this is our second (same as last year's retreat).
After you have sent in your deposit, please send me an email (tmkisil at gmail.com) to let me know. I'll also let you know who else is coming if you want to know!
If you'd like to know a bit more about Moms Away, check out these posts from last year.
Have Faith - Will Dream: Mum's Weekend Off - What we do when we get time off!
My article for AFABC magazine
We're just asking for a $50 deposit only at this time. We have two houses booked for the weekend, but we are going to fill the larger one first. Food is $50 per person, regardless of the room you book. There will also be an administrative fee for using EventBrite.
Here are the total costs for the first house:
* master bedroom with ensuite & sitting room - $220 per room (SOLD OUT)
* master bedroom with ensuite - $180 per room (SOLD OUT)
* regular bedroom (no ensuite, one queen bed) $160 per room (SOLD OUT in the first house; three in the second)
* queen futon, single bed, bunk etc. - $100 per bed - 10 in the first house; 6 in the second). These are still great! I will honour as many roomie requests as possible. Once you've put done your deposit, email me and we'll talk.
This is our first house and this is our second (same as last year's retreat).
After you have sent in your deposit, please send me an email (tmkisil at gmail.com) to let me know. I'll also let you know who else is coming if you want to know!
If you'd like to know a bit more about Moms Away, check out these posts from last year.
Have Faith - Will Dream: Mum's Weekend Off - What we do when we get time off!
My article for AFABC magazine
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Moms Away 2012 - coming soon!
Registration will open later this week. And, how is this for AMAZING timing! Dr. Bruce Perry is conducting a two-day workshop in Kelowna Thursday, May 24 and Friday, May 25. I've got to figure out a way to get to that. Imagine how on fire we all will be after listening to him and then having two days with other amazing moms to assimilate, discuss, debate, and reflect.
However, even if you can't come to Dr. Perry's workshop, I sure hope you can come to the retreat! We have two houses reserved for the weekend, for a grand total of 25 women. I've already heard from a number of people that they want to come, so get those credit cards ready! We'll be booking through EventBrite this year to keep the audit trail nice and clean.
May 2012 is going to be amazing; dare I say life-altering! Watch for more information here - and tell your friends. We all need each other!
However, even if you can't come to Dr. Perry's workshop, I sure hope you can come to the retreat! We have two houses reserved for the weekend, for a grand total of 25 women. I've already heard from a number of people that they want to come, so get those credit cards ready! We'll be booking through EventBrite this year to keep the audit trail nice and clean.
May 2012 is going to be amazing; dare I say life-altering! Watch for more information here - and tell your friends. We all need each other!
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